Deepest Meaning by Connie Goodbread

I am not interested in working for the Unitarian Universalism that does not work for justice. 

Rev. Elizabeth Nguyen

Justice-making is an inherent and non-negotiable part of being a Unitarian Universalist. 

Rev. Hope Johnson

I witnessed this brilliant exchange.  It sat me back in my chair and I thought about it.  I thought about it for days. I thought about it so much that I asked both Elizabeth and Hope if I could use their words in this blog article. The three of us had another welcomed exchange over email when they gave me their permission. What was it about their words that sat me back and made me think?  

The three of us were in a working group and our focus was justice. We were in the Board Room at 24 Farnsworth - the new digs for our UUA. The building is welcoming and friendly, modern and clean. We were attending the BAM - Big Alignment Meeting. It includes all the Congregational Life Staff plus many of the Boston based staff. It was delightful in so many ways. It was great to be in our new building and see it live. It was great to see the office of our President. It was great to attend a live chapel. It was great to work as a large team. Each of us was assigned a different working group. While I might not have chosen the justice group for myself, I was deeply grateful for have been assigned to it.  

We, as an Association, are experiencing some pretty dramatic change. As an example - we sold the headquarters building at 25 Beacon Street - our headquarters since 1927. That does not happen often. We have dramatically downsized the UUA Board of Trustees. We have moved into policy governance. Regionalization is happening in several parts of the country. In evolution, there seems to be evidence that some change happens gradually while other change happens in jumps - fits and spurts. As a living faith, there is the reality that, at times, we are a little too ready to jump to the next big idea, but there is also the brilliance that we adapt, become, evolve and seek useable tools which will help us to do our work. Where are we about to jump? What are we to become?  

As I sat in the justice working group I kept thinking, “Why? What’s important, now? What is the deepest reason we are doing what we do?  Is there a way for us to move forward, differently?” As a group, we moved through our assignments. The exploration and discussion was honest and deep. Like all good Unitarian Universalists we had trouble following the rules, we went off track several times and wanted to come up with a good product in the end. Our final working question was - What will Justice look like in three years?  We had been asked to present our findings - our product - to the rest of the staff.  But wait -   I am not interested in working for the Unitarian Universalism that does not work for justice, says Elizabeth. Justice-making is an inherent and non-negotiable part of being a Unitarian Universalist, adds Hope.  

We could just do the assignment, do a show and tell, come up with a list of programs or ideas to present to our colleagues, but that is the way we always do it. This is important and we are at a moment it our own evolution. We don’t have all the details. We lack clarity. The path is unclear. Still, we need to present something….Rev. Carlton Smith and Rev. Hope Johnson pointed out that at this point we do not even have enough diversity at the table to have the discussion. That’s big. How do we fix it? If the first question we need to answer is, why? The second is, who? Why justice? Who is missing in our discussion and exploration?  Who are our partners and are we in real partnership with them? Who is left out and why?  To whose glory are we doing this work? What is most important at this moment? What is Unitarian Universalism uniquely qualified, positioned and prepared to do? What gift(s) do we have for the world? How will we widen our circle to be more inclusive?  How will we do what we do for the greatest impact? 

This is the diagram we drew to explain our concepts.  In three years we if we are able to explain to any and everyone why Justice-making is an inherent and non-negotiable part of being a Unitarian Universalist, we will have achieved much.  

Now don’t get me wrong, we all know that we should do the right thing because it is the right thing to do. That works if you know what the right thing is. Are we doing the right thing for the right reason and not for our glory or to make us look good? 

In three years, if we know the deepest reasons why, we will have made a great jump forward. Knowing the deepest reasons why will help us to make even stronger bonds with the partners we have now. Knowing the deepest reasons why will help us to identify other partners. Knowing the deepest reasons why will help us to listen to the needs of the people who are the most affected by the injustice we see. 

If in three years we have worked on ourselves and identified what we are willing to give up for there to be more justice in the world, we will have made a great jump forward. What we do will depend on the voices of others. How we do what we do will be the attempt to live up to our promise - that is, after all, what it means to be a covenantal faith.  

We will do justice tempered with love. We will practice loving justice because we stand, roll, sit, sleep and fight on the side of love. You cannot have love without justice - you cannot have justice without love. That is what sat me back in my seat and made me think. I thought this before this conversation, but Elizabeth’s and Hope’s words made it real.  What are we to become? I don’t know. Go ask my partners.*

I am not interested in working for the Unitarian Universalism that does not work for justice. 

Rev. Elizabeth Nguyen

Justice making is an inherent and non-negotiable part of being a Unitarian Universalist. 

Rev. Hope Johnson

* Does God Have a Big Toe? by Marc Gellman

Youth Programming: You Might Be Doing it Backwards

by Natalie Briscoe, Congregational Life Field Staff for the Southern Region of the UUA

I became a Unitarian Universalist as a Youth, at the age of 14, through a local congregation’s Our Whole Lives Program. That congregation in a suburb of Dallas, Texas and its youth group of about 20 Youth between the ages of 14 and 18 taught me a lot about leadership, respect for self and others, responsibility, integrity, and friendship. Those early experiences of leading worship, engaging in justice work throughout the community, and participating in the life of the congregation set me up for a lifetime of success both inside and out of the Unitarian Universalist world. I am still in touch with many of my Youth Group friends, some of whom are now Unitarian Universalist ministers. 

Ten years later, I began volunteering at another Unitarian Universalist congregation as an Advisor for Middle School Youth. Shortly after I began volunteering, I was hired as that congregation’s Director of Religious Education and, as an aside, met my future husband at a conference for Youth Advisors that same year. During my time as a Director of Religious Education, the greatest joy in my work was to administer the Coming of Age Program for fifteen year olds, which culminated in a heritage trip to Boston. The minister of that congregation and I always chaperoned the trip alongside a team of dedicated volunteers, and every year the Youth would reduce me to tears as I saw them grow into self-assured, confident, responsible, and loving young adults. It was here, in this class, year after year, that I felt a call to Unitarian Universalist ministry and, in particular, ministry to and with Youth. 

As your Congregational Life Field Staff, I sit on the Youth Ministry Roundtable, a body of national staff from the UUA Headquarters, other Regional Field Staff, and staff from the College of Social Justice at the Unitarian Universalist Service Committee, who gather to discuss and imagine exemplary, meaningful, and relevant ministry to and with youth. Throughout our work, themes have emerged about the kind of support congregations are looking for when it comes to youth ministry. 

First, small to mid-sized congregations are always searching for the elusive “Critical Mass.”  They have a few teenagers in their congregation who attend sporadically, thus making it difficult to convene a class offering on Sunday Mornings. The youth do not have a consistent group to be involved with, and therefore many of them find other activities outside of the church to be involved in. 

Second, many congregations of all sizes are struggling with retaining their teen involvement after graduation. Young Adults often fall away from the church through a variety of reasons from moving to a new city to finding a real lack of motivation to be involved. Many Young Adults have simply not been taught as Youth to participate in the wider congregation and, in the absence of a Youth Group, feel lost and marginalized in the wider community. 

Third, many congregations of all sizes who have been running youth programs for many years are struggling to keep them relevant and engaging to Youth. Even with the most dynamic of Youth Leaders and staff, the congregation and its Youth Ministry are competing for the Youth’s attention with so many other events and activities. From school to sports to jobs, Youth are pulled in many directions, and the church often falls to the bottom of the list. 

I have been working in congregations and thinking about these issues for nearly two decades now, and I have come to the conclusion that the solution to all of these issues is that we have been doing Ministry to and with Youth completely backwards. 

All of these issues stem from a core assumption that there should be a class for youth that meets on Sunday morning, usually during worship, just like every other religious education class. If that class doesn’t “make” for whatever reason – sporadic attendance, lack of participants, lack of adult leadership – then the congregation usually uses its limited resources in other areas and resigns itself to “not having anything for Youth.”  If the class or group does exist, sometimes the class is used as a springboard for other youth programming, such as trips, justice work, or social outings. In some circumstances, the class or group will form and encourage leadership, where Youth may be able to participate in opportunities within the larger congregation and the wider UU Community. 

But what if we’re doing that backwards? What if the class or youth group is the LEAST important thing we can offer? 

We know that Youth need a meaningful relationship with at least five adults who are not their parents in order to feel secure and valued. I firmly believe, instead of thinking about Youth Ministry in the large group sense, we should begin by thinking about how we can foster relationships between adult members in the congregation and every youth. Instead of starting with the class or youth group, let’s start with a comprehensive mentoring program. 

Select members of your congregation who have an interest in spending time with Youth. Background check them. Train them to be mentors, not teachers and advisors.  (Not sure how to recruit and train your mentors? Email me.) After that, match your mentors with youth who have similar interests. Maybe one of your youth really wants to go into broadcasting as a career, and you have two members of your congregation who work in that field. Maybe one of your youth likes to garden; I’m willing to be there are more than a few gardeners in your congregation. Perhaps one mentor could take on two or three youth mentees. 

As the mentors get to know their mentees, mentors can be a bridge for the youth to get involved in other areas of congregational life. The mentors can help the youth become a valued member of the social justice committee, the worship associates, or the membership committee. The mentors can see where a youth is passionate and has leadership potential, and also help the adult members of the congregation listen to and value youth input. In this way, we create even more connections between youth and adults in a congregation, help youth to feel valued and empowered, and help the entire congregation shift its culture toward one of inclusion for all ages.  Hopefully, we will not even be able to count the number of meaningful cross-generational relationships a youth has on one hand. 

After these relationships have been established, you can host gatherings of mentor/mentee groups at the congregation on days that are NOT Sundays. A monthly dinner, a quarterly bowling game, or yearly pool party work well. In this way, all of the youth who are having similar mentoring experiences can gather, meet each other, and get to know one another. They may even start to want to do things together, apart from the mentors. 

And then - BAM! -  you’ve got a vital, meaningful, and relevant youth group that emerged organically from the relationships between youth and adults.  The youth group is in covenant with the rest of the congregation, it includes youth who feel invested in and valued by the congregation, and it will be led by a group of youth advisors and youth leaders who work cooperatively, through healthy relationship, to provide meaningful and relevant learning and spiritual growth for all members. (Need help recruiting and training Youth Group Advisors and Youth Leaders? Email me.)

As the product of the Youth Ministry of the last two decades, which has started with the idea of the Sunday Morning Youth Group, clearly we have done a lot of wonderful work that has touched a lot of lives. And yet, as a wise man once said, “Times, they are a changin’.” If the youth group model is working for you, wonderful! And if it’s not, I might suggest turning the whole thing on its head and starting from the end. The Congregation is the Curriculum, so let’s give ourselves to the youth before we expect them to give their precious talents, time, and treasures to us. 

History in the Making

by Rev. Carlton Elliott Smith

 

When I was a child, I thought that the real history-makers had all finished their work. Thanks to leaders like my parents, the barriers that would have kept me in legally segregated schools had come down. Because of those who went before me, I was able to eat in any affordable restaurant, stay in any hotel, and ride any bus, train, or plane I chose. Because of Ella Baker and Dr. King and James Meredith and Shirley Chisholm and Rosa Parks and many others, my peers and I could dream much bigger dreams for ourselves than our forebears could have imagined.

In spite of the many ways Dad and Mom shielded me and my brothers from the terrors they had grown up knowing about as Negro children in rural Tennessee and small-town Mississippi, my brothers and I were well-acquainted with our status as second-class citizens that informed significant aspect of our lives. Who we went to school with, where we lived, what we learned, and what we didn't learn all had to do with the remnants of slavery, de facto segregation and Jim Crow -- sharp and brutal cuts even when invisible to or denied by many.

We're in the waning days of Black History Month now and on the back side of Valentines Day. Similar to Dr. Howard Thurman in his reading about the work of Christmas in our hymnal (SLT #615), we are right to say that the work of Valentines Day -- the work of love -- begins after all the chocolates have been eaten, the flowers wilted, the heart-shaped balloons deflated and the greeting cards tucked away. I venture to say that the work of love is the same as the work of Christmas in Thurman's poem, that is, to "find the lost / to heal the broken / to feed the hungry / to release the prisoner / to rebuild the nation / to bring peace among the brothers / to make music in the heart."

We can see, too, that black people are constantly making Black History. Though the modes and styles continue to evolve, black people within our Association and beyond are creating beauty, meaning and justice through the power of courageous love. 

The tasks before us are daunting. Some of us are calling for prison reform while others are calling for the complete dismantling of the prison industrial complex. Some are making the case for reparations to be given to the descendants of enslaved Africans, while others want to abolish affirmative action measures. Some are calling for more stringent policing of our national borders, while others are calling for amnesty for undocumented residents. And we are all over the map on these and many other pressing issues. Finding a way to move forward together is a constant challenge, but we embrace the chaos, knowing that our ancestors help guide our way with their examples of resistance, agitation, commitment and self-care.

Our UUA General Assembly will have an historic quality this year, as our engagement around Black Lives Matter moves from the margins of our religious movement toward the center. You can learn more about what we have planned here:

https://medium.com/@BlackLivesUU/support-for-black-uu-s-at-the-2016-uua-general-assembly-76e2cf150534#.mxuls4xxa

We are never not making history. With every day-to-day choice, with our shouts for justice as well as our treacherous silences, we are giving shape to the futures coming generations will inhabit. I dream of a day when our collective history is not color-blind but color-full, and every day of every month is a chance to celebrate the depth and breadth of our shared humanity.

Stand By This Faith

by Kathy McGowan, UUA Southern Region Congregational Life Staff

Olympia Brown was the first woman officially ordained by the Universalists. Reading number 569 in our grey hymnal, Singing the Living Tradition, begins, “Stand by this faith. Work for it and sacrifice for it.”

I love this reading as it says so much about what congregational life is all about. The reasons we come into one of our congregations are varied but are often during times of tension or transition. We often come in because we have a need or desire. We may be hurting or broken in some way. We might feel that we are lacking in some of what life is demanding of us. So we take that courageous step and we come. We receive love, connection, friendship, care for ourselves and our family. This feels wonderful. 

When talking about membership, Michael Piazza, a United Church of Christ minister, said to a group of us last year, that there comes a time when we must “take off the bib and put on the apron.” This is a critical time for us; we move from guest to host. One can only be a host once they consider the congregation to be their home. The language moves from talking about “y’all” and “them” to “we” and “us”.

Olympia goes on to say “Do not demand immediate results but rejoice that we are worthy to be entrusted with this great message that you are strong enough to work for a great principle without counting the cost.” 

WE are entrusted; all of us. This is where we put on the apron. The congregation is the curriculum by which we teach. We can best teach our children, those new to our tradition, and those outside looking in by being good stewards of our faith. We cherish our congregations not because they are perfect or meeting our every need but because we are mindful of others' needs. We aspire to create a community for all.

Our relationship with the congregation, and thereby the faith, can begin to sour if we leave the bib on too long. If we fail to move from the language of “me”  to “we,” we can wander into “what have they done done for me lately?” territory.

Others learn about us by what we do and how we treat each other. This is the way to teach our true values. We live in community not because it is easy, but because we choose to be part of something bigger than ourselves. We believe that living in community is worth the work and the sacrifice. Our individual and family needs may not all be met, but we stay. We stay so that others can find a place when they need love, connection, friendship and care. We put on the apron.

To Begin Anew … To What End?

The Reverend Kenneth Gordon Hurto, Southern Region Lead Executive

Well, we’re a few weeks into a new year. How go your resolutions? 

It is good to consider newness, to ask the question, "If I were to start this _____ (new resolve), how would I go about it?" But the more important question is, "Why would I do this?"

In our work with congregations, we often ask:

 If you were to start a new Unitarian Universalist congregation in this community, why would you? 

If you are already in an existing congregation, it is almost impossible to imagine it not being there. But too often we forget someone had to start things. We lose the initial passion, fidelity and vibrancy that gave birth to that new resolve.

Begin with Why! This is the first question of life and of ministry!

If Unitarian Universalist ministry is an answer to a problem in the human condition? If so, just what is that problem? There are lots of religious answers out there. What is uniquely Unitarian Universalist — in this day? What is our Why? I’ll be candid: it’s no longer to prove God’s one-ness nor the short-comings of the Trinity, central though that is in our name. Nor is it our purpose to assert salvation for all in a next life! 

In this day, our answer must relate to the post-modern world. Perhaps we could rename ourselves “the love and justice” church — that fits better.

Another way to get at Why? is to follow a classic planning strategy: Begin with the end in mind. That is, if our ministry were to succeed wonderfully well, how would we be different? How would those around us be different? And how might our society, even our world be different? If our answer is clear, then we can figure out how to get there.

I insist, every church Mission statement should be brief and read like this: 

Our ministry exists in order to _____ (accomplish a purpose) for _____ (whom)

 in _____ (where) so that _____ (the difference we hope to make).

For instance: 

Our congregation commits 

to becoming a beloved community 

for our children and adults, as free-thinkers and generous people, 

in our town — so that we bring 

more hope, more joy, more love and more justice in the world.

These are first questions of the religious life, of the faith community:

• Why are we here?
• To what end, ideal, or ultimate value are we called to serve?

In this new year, most of us will be distracted from our resolve by the sheer inertia of “the way things are.” We need our faith community, in the words of Howard Thurman, to “Keep fresh before me the moments of my high resolve.” Without the community to support and sustain us, well, life’s distractions will win. Say, when is the Super Bowl this year? (Oops, see what I mean!)

January is a time of church shopping. Checking to see if church today might offer seekers something they’ve not found on their own, many will come through our doors for help with their struggles. Will we take them in?

Ministry is hard. It is complex. It is filled with contradictions (do I want security or freedom — see Dostoyevsky’s parable of the Grand Inquisitor for that one). We seek to be welcoming, but are anxious newcomers will change what is precious to us. We come with our own needs only to be called to serve others the moment we catch our breath!

At times ministry is overwhelming: What must we do to meet racial injustice head-on? What is our role around climate change? Ministry is also humbling: How can we be at ease when so much poverty yet abounds; what are we supposed to do?

It is time we re-define our purpose — not as an alternative to orthodoxy, although that need still exists — but as an alternative to greed, violence as a tool to deal with difference, and consumerism. We need to be and become a community that accepts people with love, guides them to the fullness of their humanity, without creedal dictate and then goes out to create justice everywhere.

I am fond of the hymn, Step by Step, #157 in Singing the Living Tradition:

Step by step the longest march can be won, can be won

Many stones can form an arch, singly none, singly none

And by union what we will can be accomplished still

Drops of water turn a mill, singly none, singly none.

As we honor Dr. King this month, let us, too, be a people of a modern faith that affirms we believe “that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word.” The longest march yet can be won, but not alone. Make this then your New Year resolve: To walk with others on this road. Blessings on you and your ministries!

Congregational Resolutions for 2016

by Maggie Lovins, UUA Southern Region Congregational Life Staff

As we start the new year, may 2016 bring you, your loved ones, and your congregations the best year ever! While many of you are already busy at work on your new year’s resolutions—committing to new fiscal patterns, healthier eating habits, or a formal exercise plan—maybe our congregations could make a resolution or two, as well! I’m not talking about pie-in-the-sky resolutions to change the world on your own; I mean greater relationship-building and everyday nuts-and-bolts not often considered in our congregations. 

Though relationship building seems like the most difficult task, it is really the easiest! Try sending a note to your closest congregations inviting them to attend or take part in a special event at your congregation. Partner with them to address a local or national social issue. Make a new friend who does the same kind of volunteer work you do in another congregation, then share ideas and resources. There is a lost art to personal contact and welcoming. I’d like your help to revive it within our congregations. Can we do it together? I think we can. It might just spill out of our congregations and into our communities! How wonderful would that be?! 

Let’s not forget the day-to-day nuts-and-bolts I mentioned earlier, such as congregational safety and its many dimensions. I address this now because many of our congregations have been seeking advice on how to keep their members and spaces safe throughout the week and during Sunday service. Though it is not the most comfortable, exciting, rosy conversation topic, it is necessary to discuss and plan for the unique situations and qualities of each of our congregations. 

Let’s start with policies. Does your congregation have a Congregational Safety Policy? How about a specific Youth Safety policy? If so, is it up to date and being followed? If not, lets work on this in 2016 together! As the UUA’s safety webpage reminds us, “Although no policy or knowledge of the issues can absolutely guarantee safety in your congregation under all circumstances, congregations can take pro-active steps to create environments that are safe and prepared.” Our UUA’s Safe Congregations page is chock-full of great info and resources for creating your own set of policies. You can find that handbook here: http://www.uua.org/safe/handbook. 

Think about the basics of building safety. Are all exits clearly marked? Are your fires extinguishers properly charged and maintained? Do you have clearly marked evacuation plans? When is the last time the whole congregation had a fire drill? These things sound mundane, until they’re not! Your leadership can call your local fire/police department to request a building safety walk-through. A walk-through helps first responders to become familiar with your property and community, which could help in times of emergency. The next step is to contact your congregation’s insurance company and ask for the same walk-through. Usually, while they are there, they can do a quick policy check to make sure you are covered for specifics we might not have considered! More on building safety can be found here, with a link to a Church Mutual starting-point checklist to assess security and building safety needs: http://www.uua.org/safe/117545.shtml.

Other building safety issues have arisen this past year with global and national political verbiage ramping up fear and anxiety. Here is a link to assist with understanding factors that lead to gun violence, raising awareness in your community, and possibly advocate-ing for change: http://www.uua.org/liberty/guns. Here is a helpful link to Church Mutual’s page with videos on crime in congregations and gun violence: https://www.churchmutual.com/170/Crime-Prevention and one to FEMA: https://training.fema.gov/is/courseoverview.aspx?code=IS-907.

These videos and resources may be helpful for your safety or escort teams to review in training sessions.

Keeping our youth safe is a priority I think we all can agree on! Yes, we are religious organizations, and, yes, we want to believe the best in all people, but protecting our youth is firmly our adult responsibility and a key component of congregational safety. Make sure there are two unrelated adults with youth at all times, and that you have valid, current background checks on anyone working with youth for any amount of time. Make sure to have policies set up for social media and technology use with youth communications before an issue arises, as clear expectations give youth and youth leaders the freedom to be their full selves responsibly. When training teachers and youth advisors, please make sure everyone understands mandatory reporting in your state (or a state you will be traveling through) and the guidelines around clergy privilege (or lack thereof). You can check that info here: https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/systemwide/sgm/index.cfm?&submit=1&topicName=mandatory%20reporting&audiencename=professionals. If your congregation or cluster is in need of Youth Advisor training or teacher training, please contact me at mlovins@uua.org or Natalie Briscoe at nbriscoe@uua.org. We have Youth Ministry Consultants specifically trained for this very thing!

Balancing Acts is a free online guide and coursework providing the essential tools needed for a comprehensive approach to safety and prevention to build a space where children and youth will be safe from sexual abuse: http://www.uua.org/safe/children. I also highly recommend looking into the Religious Institute’s newest congregational program, Sexually Safer Best Practices Congregation: http://www.religiousinstitute.org/safer-congregations/. Please feel free to contact me if your congregation is or would like to participate in that program or with any questions you might have.

These are just a few of the topics for discussion under the giant umbrella of congregational safety, but we need to start somewhere, right? And again, I know these are not comfortable conversations, but they are needed conversations. The good news is that they are conversations that you do not need to have alone! Call or write to me or your congregation’s Primary Contact http://www.uuasouthernregion.org/staff/primarycontact.html to receive assistance as your congregation goes through the somewhat intense, but rewarding process of setting policies for congregational safety. 

May 2016 bring us all Peace, Love and Compassion, and yet let us still plan for a tomorrow of uncertainty—together!

The Beloved Community: Peace on Earth, Goodwill to All

by Connie Goodbread, UU Southern Region Congregational Life Staff

I bought my husband, Bob, a t-shirt at General Assembly which has printed on it, “God bless the whole world, no exceptions.” He got it for Christmas two years ago.

At this time of year, I am reminded of what could be. Even in the shadow of tragedy, there is a promise of hope and goodwill. On December 7, 1914, Pope Benedict XV suggested a temporary hiatus of the war for the celebration of Christmas. The warring countries refused to create any official cease-fire, but on Christmas the soldiers in the trenches declared their own unofficial truce. The troops sang Christmas Carols together. They left their trenches and crossed no-man’s-land to offer up a Merry Christmas and Fröhliche Weihnachten. Afterward, many soldiers wondered it they could go back to killing. Might they go against orders and spare one another, lay down their weapons, and wage peace? It was not meant to be - officers’ threats of disciplinary action brought the idea to an end. Even so, this event serves as heartening proof, however brief, that beneath the brutal clash of weapons, the soldiers’ essential humanity endured. http://www.history.com/topics/world-war-i/christmas-truce-of-1914

It is so much easier to wage war than it is to wage peace. Waging peace means we must look at our role in the reality of what is going on around us. Waging peace means that we must take responsibility for the things of which we are not proud. We must try to make amends. Admit we've done wrong. This is true as individual human beings and as nations. What is our responsibility? What have I done and what have we done that has been less than helpful to a hungry, parched, weary, and hopeless world?

I have suggested on more than one occasion that we go forth and wage peace. I have had pushback on this suggestion. Mostly from folks who do not like the language of war. “Could you say that in a different way?” or “I wish you would suggest that we go forth and create peace or go forth and be the peace we wish to see in the world.” I understand that feeling and the desire to take the language of war out of the way we speak, yet other ways of saying this don’t convey the message I wish. I mean - go forth and wage peace with the same ease, commitment and passion that you would use to wage war. What would that look like?

My husband Bob and I live less than 2 hours from Disney World. For Christmas last year, we bought annual passes. We have never done it before, and probably won’t do it again for a long while, but it was fun for this one year. We have run over there for parts of days. When we drive by we just stop in and eat or watch the castle show in the Magic Kingdom. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XlRJxHwPnEY This YouTube video gives you an idea of what the show is like.

Because we can just walk in whenever we want, we have done several things that we would never have thought to do prior to this year. One example: we love the castle show so much, we just stop, camp out under the Walt and Mickey statue, and wait for the show to begin. 

Every time we have done this in the past year, a community of people gathers. It is a real community. We feed each other, watch over one another, make sure that the children can see, share wisdom and space. We sing all the Disney songs in English - even when our natural language is Portuguese, Japanese or Hungarian. We laugh, we dash away tears, we are amazed, transformed, as if by magic. In the end, it is always difficult to say good-bye. There is a longing to make it last. We want to hang on to the peaceful, caring community that has formed. We touch, we smile at one another, we are grateful for this brief time we had together. It is, for the briefest moment, perfect. It is beloved. It is community. It forms spontaneously and with purpose. It lasts for two hours at the most. It is touching and real and full of possibility.
A few weeks ago, the last time we did this, Yumiko, a young woman from Japan, made Bob and me an origami Duffy (a Disney bear). As the fireworks ended and the music faded, we all looked at one another with that longing of not really wanting to let go and yet knowing it was time. Yumiko smiled and bowed and pressed the bear into my hand. I looked down and smiled. I thanked her. I was touched. I didn’t think to open it until the next day. It is a thank you note. It says, “Thank you for your kindness. I spent special time!! From Yumiko (Japan)” It sits on my desk and looks at me. It will always sit on my desk. We waged peace with the same ease, commitment, and passion that we would use to wage war. We all did it together, everyone that was in our small community under the Walt and Mickey statue.

At this time of year, when we often take the time to reflect on what we have accomplished or failed at, when we just might open our hearts to people and possibilities, I wish that we would find some time to wage a little peace. “God bless the whole world, no exceptions.” Peace on Earth and goodwill to all - all the people - all the Earth. “God bless us, every one!”

Relationship Status: It’s Complicated

by Natalie Briscoe

I woke up a few mornings ago to find myself in the center of the holiday season. I found count downs on every webpage I visited, heard carols at nearly every outing, watched the commercials filled with anxiety and pressure on television, and felt the palpable disorientation at Starbucks. The scurry and the bustle of the “Season of Joy” are definitely at hand, with all of the pressures and expectations that go along with it.

Many of us long for the perfect season, seasons of an older age when magic was real, anticipation was titillating, and peace ruled throughout each home and each land. We are told through a lot of advertising exactly how much that perfect season will cost, and how long we must stand in line to acquire it. We are told which holiday is the correct holiday to celebrate, which holiday might be acceptable to bring up, and which holidays are not to be mentioned. We are told that we are not only supposed to have elaborate decorations and elaborate meals, we are also supposed to have swarms of family and friends around us at all times, and that these waves of people will bring us good tidings and cheer and cause us to be ever-so thankful for the love in our lives, even when we are lonely and in pain and deeply hurt by those who would call us family. We are told that the holidays will bring up fond memories of days past, not memories of loss and disappointment. We are told that if we don’t have a festive and beautiful holiday season then there must be something wrong with us.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I love the holidays. I host a large Thanksgiving dinner at my home, complete with a gaggle of loud and messy children running around. I can’t wait to get the holiday tree up, the lights strung, and the decorations put out. I love holiday baking and gift-giving and extra time spent with loved ones. I had very happy holidays as a child, with a bounty of food, gifts, and family. I look forward to recreating many traditions each year with my children.

But the holidays are also filled with the pang of loved ones who are no longer with us, and the dread of family members who feel the need to impose all of their expectations and needs and wants onto me and my holiday plans. I scour the internet for lists of safe dinner and family gathering conversations for when the politics are different and the cider is spiked. I rehearse my speeches for clearly telling people that yes, it’s okay to swear around my children, but no, it’s not okay to tickle them or pick them up without their consent. I get ready for the pies to burn or the television to break or the schedule to be thrown out the window, and I try my best to let go of the things which I cannot control.

The holiday season is often a pressure cooker for our social interactions. Some irritations that would not be given a second glance are suddenly boiling to the top during the season. I am often reminded of the Ram Dass quote, “If you think you’re enlightened, go spend a week with your family.” The people we love most often have a tendency to push all of our buttons and stand on every last nerve we have.

I was listening to the radio in the car last week, and during one particular show on which so very many things are considered, the hosts of the program were discussing the effects of dating apps and social media on the cultural expectations of friendships, family, and marriage. One host said that we are “living the lie of uncomplicated connection.” His argument, which struck me so deeply, was that people expect our interactions with each other to be simple and free of any uncomfortable moments. Don’t like someone? Swipe left. Don’t want to listen to someone? Un-friend them. Simple. Clear Cut, Customizable. Easy.

And false. If everyone had a Facebook page that said we are “In a Relationship” with Humanity, the relationship status would be “It’s Complicated.” Human beings have two common but separate needs – the need to be an individual and the need to be part of a group. These competing needs create tension within each of us and within systems that we create and participate in. Throw in a heaping scoop of cultural expectations around the holidays, and you basically have a recipe for a meltdown.

We want to be seen as individuals who have grown, changed, and accomplished so much. We want to be recognized for our hard-won integrity. We also want to feel a part of something much larger than ourselves, to know that we are dipping our hands into the continuously flowing river of life. In our families, we want to know that we are loved and accepted and cherished. In our congregations, we want much the same thing.

In our congregations, however, our Faith Tradition of Unitarian Universalism gives us wonderful tools for navigating the tensions between being an individual and being part of the group. These tools are our Covenants. They are the way we practice our religion.

There is probably no more important statement of identity than a congregation’s covenant. It tells people who you are, what you hold most important, and how you agree to be with one another. Our foundational covenant, the Covenant of the Seven Principles, clearly states the need to be separate individuals (We covenant to affirm and promote the inherent worth and dignity of every human being) and to be part of something much larger (We covenant to affirm and promote the interdependent web of existence of which we are all a part). The human condition is stated clearly in the First and Seventh Principles, and the tension between them is managed through the middle five Principles.

Our covenants are sacred and simple promises we make to one another about how we will be in the world. Bringing our covenants to life is both difficult and rewarding. It brings Unitarian Universalism and our values of hope, love, justice, courage, and joy into the world. It grows us as individuals as we learn how our own integrity calls us to manage these competing tensions, and it grows us as groups and congregations as it incarnates the Beloved Community.

Relying on your covenants can also be helpful to navigate these often treacherous waters of the holidays. We can ask ourselves, “What values do I want to incarnate in the world?” and “Is it possible to choose kindness in this interaction?” In these ways, our simple, deep promises with one another and the world can bring about great peace, no matter how small the effort. And after all, isn’t that the reason for the season?

Who Is My Neighbor?

by the Rev. Susan M. Smith, UUA Southern Region Congregational Life staff member

One of my favorite parts of doing vision/mission/strategic planning work is all that we discover by investigating our “mission field.” Sometimes we spend all of our time focused on who we are as a congregation and identifying our shared values and passions. Those are vital steps in shaping a compelling vision, but we can’t forget that we minister in a particular place at a particular time.

There is research work that suits every personality. For those who are gregarious, I ask them to pose this question to everyone they meet from the grocery store clerk to the mayor, “I belong to a congregation that is open to a variety of beliefs and focused on making this world a better place and I was wondering what you thought a congregation like that could contribute to our city/town/neighborhood.” In my experience, everyone has an opinion.

Those who like to work with data have some really exciting tools to explore. My favorite new one is at http://projects.nytimes.com/census/2010/explorer in which Dustin Cable from University of Virginia’s Weldon Cooper Center for Public Service has compiled racial identity info from the 2010 census. With the racial groups represented by differently colored dots, you can see at a glance the radical separation of races in most of our cities. Take a very distant view and the predominance of African Americans in the South and Hispanic/Latino Americans in the borderlands can be seen in glaring clarity. However, in working with congregations, I’ve used this tool to find some amazing locations of racial diversity as well as the intersections of racial enclaves. Using http://www.census.gov/2010census/popmap you can get analysis at the county (or parish) level on race, ethnicity, age, income and housing.

I think the most helpful tool is a Ministry Area Profile available online at http://www.perceptgroup.com. Percept Group has done area studies for congregations since 1987. I saw one for the first time when I was in parish ministry and doing UUA “Extension” training. It used to take weeks to get one, but now they are available on the web in just a few minutes. You get maps, charts, and tons of analysis particularly helpful to congregations including preferences in worship style, church architecture and programs. You find out the social justice and quality of life concerns of your neighbors as well as their preferences for making charitable donations. While reading one of these for a congregation recently, we discovered over 3,000 households in a 5-mile radius of the congregation with a higher than average tendency to be UU.

Sometimes we tell ourselves that our neighbors are not like us or don’t share our concerns. I suggest that you get some actual data to insert into your system while you are visioning and developing plans. It is inspiring to see that as many as 30% of people surrounding your congregation are very concerned about race relations or that 20% of them are looking for spiritual growth. It is sobering to discover that a growing demographic in your neighborhood is unemployed female heads of household with children under the age of 5 or that 12% of your neighboring adults don’t have a high school education. We can be more respectful of the uniqueness in our multi-cultural environment when we know that there is growth in your area from Mexican Americans, Vietnamese Americans and East Indian Americans rather some non-existent generic Hispanics/Latinos or Asians. 

Theologian Frederick Buechner wrote, “The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.” What if we thought of those who live and work next door to our congregations as not merely a coincidence but a calling, an opportunity and a blessing?

Thirty Days of Gratitude, Rolled into One

by Carlton Elliott Smith

I noticed that some of my Southern Region colleagues are participating in "Thirty Days of Gratitude" on Facebook, a month-long practice of thanksgiving during the month in which we have a holiday that's all about appreciating our blessings.

The last full weekend in October was the 20th anniversary of my ordination into Unitarian Universalist ministry at the Hollis Unitarian Church in Queens, New York -- another occasion to contemplate the years gone by and remember how I arrived at this point. With these things in mind, I offer you, Unitarian Universalists of the Southern Region, my own Thirty Days of Gratitude, Rolled into One.

I'm grateful for

1. The extraordinary Southern Region team, program staff and administrators alike. For whatever I am able to accomplish in my role, I know that is woven through-and-through with their support, dedication, and encouragement.

2. The congregations of the Southern Region, with a special fist-bump to those who faithfully support the GIFT program -- Generously Investing for Tomorrow (and Today!). There would be no Southern Region team as it exists now without your financial contributions.

3. The "Three I's" of our UUA Congregational Life Staff -- Interconnection, Innovation, and Impact -- which help us prioritize projects.

4. The relatively smooth transition to regionalization, with the legal dissolution of our four Southern Districts last April. We have entered a new era of what is possible for Unitarian Universalism in our region, and the devoted leadership of district presidents and other officers has given us a great place to start.

5. The elders in our congregations, with whom we staff collaborate in our service to our faith. The work we do is ever-expanding, such that it requires our ongoing partnership. 

6. The work of writers, church leaders, and scholars such as Gil Rendle, Patrick Lencioni, Edwin Friedman, and many others that we draw from in the presentations and lectures we create.

7. Our Seven Principles of Unitarian Universalism, which drew me into this faith some 24 years ago and continue to be reference points that I visit again and again.

8. Our religious professionals -- ministers, religious educators, musicians, and administrators -- who are entrusted with the responsibility for building and maintaining sacred spaces.

9. Our many ancestors in the faith -- Viola Liuzzo, Sophia Lyon Fahs, Susan B. Anthony, Frances Ellen Watkins Harper -- whose lives testify to the power of our faith and the possibility of transformation.

10. Our congregational polity, that empowers each church, fellowship, and society to chart its own course with regards to its ministry and its resources.

11. Our covenantal faith, which binds us together by the depth of our relationship and commitment to one another rather than by any creed.

12. Our small and mid-sized congregations, that often represent our faith on backroads and in underserved communities. 

13. Our larger congregations, which are the source of most of the numerical growth within our region.

14. Our teaching congregations that provide new generations of ministerial leadership.

15. Our dying congregations, that have faithfully served our tradition and hung on as long as they could, but are now ready to give their remaining wealth toward the growing, emerging communities of faith.  

16. Our emerging congregations, that are daring to try new ways of being in community, of doing worship and service, that are giving us insights into what the contours of congregational life might be in generations to come.

17. Our multi-site congregations that are partnering with one another and using modern technology to shrink the miles between them.

18. Our struggling congregations, whose leaders are boldly facing crises of faith and showing what can be done when belief in the power of community remains strong.

19. Our visionary congregations that embark upon ambitious building campaigns and community outreach projects that transform local communities.

20. Our bold congregations which, in the face of anti-blackness and white supremacy, dare to declare that #blacklivesmatter.

21. Our resilient congregations, who continue to serve and minister in spite of devastating tragedies and losses.

22. Our environmentally-conscious congregations, which show us that care for our planet is as much a part of our ministry as anything else that we do.

23. Our Welcoming Congregations, many of which were on the forefront of the marriage equality wave that finally(!) swept across our country this June, which are leading the way for transgender inclusion and lgbtq employment and housing protection under the law.

24. Our accessible congregations, that are making adjustments to their facilities so that more people will have access to the love we offer.

25. Our congregations in transition, that are saying goodbye to ministers completing their service and rediscovering their own identities distinct from those leaders.

26. Our justice-seeking congregations, who show up again and again, standing on the side of love in yellow shirts and otherwise :-)

27. Our congregations that consistently support leadership development through participation in our Leadership Experiences, Presidents' Convocation, SW Fall Harvest, and the like. You are increasing the capacity of our region and of your own congregations at the same time!

28. The sources of our faith, which ground us in the ancient past and guide us toward the horizon, giving us roots and wings.

29. The Association of Unitarian Universalist congregations, and of Unitarian Universalists, that provides the over-arching umbrella for all that we do as a liberal religious movement.

30. The forgiveness that is there for me regarding anyone I unintentionally omitted or offended with this gratitude list. 

For all that is our life, we sing our thanks and praise

For all life is a gift that we are called to use

To build the common good, and make our own days glad.* 

In faith and gratitude,

Carlton

Rev. Carlton Elliott Smith  |  Congregational Life Staff, UUA Southern Region

* from "For All That Is Our Life", Singing the Living Tradition #128